Summer

Shade trees won’t do you any good. Well, they might for a minute—they’re more like sunspots than oases. A refreshing breeze? Sometimes car exhaust has more invigorating qualities. It’s a south Alabama summer. No, it doesn’t get 115 degrees here like the desert. No, in the desert you don’t sweat, or at least for very long. The sun just evaporates that right off of you. Sit in the shade and its 20 degrees cooler. Here, in Alabama, your bones sweat. Shades are just places where you can take your sunglasses off. It’s a 100 degrees and 90% humidity; the air is denser than plastic. Want proof that summers here are our reprimand for living in such a beautiful place? The two animals that come out to greet us this time of year: mosquitoes and snakes.

Here's the thing: it's hot as hell outside, it's only June, and it's starting to piss me off.